Reflections
No one will like you.
You suck.
They all think you’re stupid.
They are all looking at you.
You’ll never get it right.
Things will never change.
Everyone would be better off without you.
All lies of the mind.
The sooner you know this
and
begin to disregard them,
the sooner
you can begin
to discover
your truth.
And the truth is:
you are more
capable,
likable,
beautiful,
able to change
and
valuable
than you can imagine.
Lack of communication
kills relationships.
So why do people tell me,
“I just don’t say anything anymore”
and
wonder why their relationship sucks?
Maybe they’ve never learned
how
to communicate
with
their partner
not
at
their partner.
There is a big difference between
with
and
at.
And it may save your relationship.
We’ve stopped using “soft” words.
Words such as
compassion,
gratitude,
grace,
hope,
forgiveness.
More often we are using “hard” words.
Words such as
responsibility,
discipline,
consequences,
hustle,
drive.
First, we stopped using soft words
with ourselves,
thinking
this would be an answer to
our inner turmoil
and
our desire to be successful.
But the less
compassionate
we were with ourselves,
the less with were with others.
The harder we were
on ourselves,
the less forgiving
we were
with others.
We found the hard words
easier to say
and
to live by
even as our
inner and outer
turmoil
increased.
Now we wonder
why we cannot have a
civil conversation,
why work is so fraught with anxiety,
why our relationships are brittle.
Maybe the soft words
are actually
the hardest words
of all.
“It doesn’t matter what I do,”
he said without hope.
So why not do nothing?
“Exactly.”
And then he realized the ridiculousness
of this line of reasoning,
for the only people who
do nothing
are
dead.
What you do matters.
But if you are waiting for someone else
to respond to your actions,
you are simply waiting to be
disappointed.
First, do what matters to you.
What makes you light up?
What gives you energy?
What helps you be more
compassionate,
forgiving,
grateful?
Do that.
Otherwise,
you will keep saying,
“It doesn’t matter.”
“The best things in life are free,”
or so we are told.
But that message doesn’t
help get anything sold.
We buy into
the thought
that
the best things
must be
bought.
And we wonder
why our lives
with anxiety
and
worry
are fraught?
If you stop
the inner drama,
the constant
negativity,
shame
and
blame
in your mind,
what could you do
with all the
extra time?
We blame ourselves.
When something doesn’t go
our way,
or
the way we expected it to go.
And this is the problem:
expectations.
We are incredibly poor at
evaluating
our
expectations.
And so we blame ourselves
for “failure”
when our expectations
may have been way
out of line.
All of it,
the expectations,
the blame,
the failure
are
only in our minds.
To subvert this cycle,
ask yourself,
“What else could be causing this result?”
Maybe your friend is dealing with an issue
and so cannot return your call.
Maybe your boss was just reprimanded
when you asked about your project.
There are all kinds of reasons
why your expectations may not be
being met.
And it’s not always you.
So stop blaming yourself.
When making
physical,
mental,
emotional
changes,
we can get
addicted to
and
consumed with
“What’s the next step?”
There are times
when the next step
means
trusting what you are doing
and
helping those changes
grow deeper roots.
It may feel like maintenance,
but it’s actually
growth.
Squirrels store nuts
before
winter comes.
They don’t wait to see
if
winter appears.
Winter always comes.
In the same way,
the more you can build
resilience,
compassion,
patience,
and
endurance
now,
the more likely you will thrive
when
your winter comes.
Winter always comes.
Before you act on
strong emotion
and
send that flaming email,
say that vengeful word,
whisper that gossipy talk,
stop
and ask yourself,
“I wonder why I’m responding
so strongly?”
You’ll be glad you did.
