You hear it all the time,

“That’s just how I am.”

We say it to excuse

unproductive or unhelpful behavior,

as if one waved a wand

and made the behavior ok.


It’s really a signal saying,

“I know this is something I should change,

but I’m not going to change it.”

We make the excuse and align it with our nature

so as to get a pass from

our co-workers,

our lover,

our friends,



If it’s part of our nature,

it cannot be changed, right?


But, we would never allow someone else

to do this to us,

to take some poor behavior and

align it with our nature.


We would fight them with tooth and nail

to defend our goodness,

and assign our bad behavior to a momentary lapse.  


The question is:  

Is this really “just how you are”

and cannot be changed

or is it a habit developed like so many others

which can be extinguished and replaced?


So is “just how I am”

really who you want to be?